How to Be a Better Best Friend
As mothers, we have our plates full and our role seems to constantly change, typically expanding. Mother, Wife, Worker, Lover, Cook, Friend. You get the point.
One role that I find gets lost in the shuffle is Friend. There are so many things to get done each day that my role of Friend gets neglected and pushed to the back burner nearly always. It’s sad to say, but being a friend has to take a backseat to everything else going on. It is the only role that I can actually postpone without my entire world crashing.
Now, there are some friends who can appreciate this, because they have the same conflict. And there are other friends who put their friendships ahead of other aspects in their lives. These women should be commended for the ability to change around their schedules to make their friends a priority.
My best friends are the ones that have the same time and priority conflicts and we can come together once a week, or even once every few weeks and pick up right back where we left off. If there are important things to talk about, then we get together or talk on the phone, but we certainly don’t talk every day… nor are we expected to. And that is the best part- no high expectations.
I happen to be closest with women with whom my life crosses over on several paths- we typically have kids who are friends and live in close proximity to each other. This provides instant gratification for everyone involved- minimum input (don’t have to go very far) and maximum output (our kids play together simultaneously). And if our husbands can be great friends too, well, then it becomes the perfect picture.
It is difficult for me to be a best friend because of how time consuming it can be. Eventually, I typically give up and back away if I find that the relationship requires too much energy and exertion. There just aren’t enough hours in the day. And on top of all this, to stress about a friend being hurt because I can’t dedicate the appropriate amount of time becomes the relationship killer.
So, I find myself surrounded by a high number of general friends, a decent number of great friends (5-10), but very few (2-3) best friends at any given time. The scenery changes every few years, based on proximity, if we or our friends move, if our kids have grown apart. (There are of course constant childhood, and other types of best friends who live in far away lands that we see just once a year- I cling on to these friends because they have surpassed all other expectations of friendship…)
I think it is natural- that in each stage of life, we have great or best friends and then we move on, mature to a new level and develop new best friends. It is the philosophy of “Love the one you’re with” that controls my friendships. I’m not sure it’s the best philosophy for friendship, but it affords me the ability to be the best best friend I can be.
